Reflections on losing my work

November 10, 2008 at 1:40 pm (Experiments, Reflections & Planning)

Many weeks have passed since the robbery, but it’s only these last few days that I’ve regained a sense of mental balance and the motivation to work again. The loss of my computer, my work, has felt like a loss of self. I have been in limbo, utter perplexed by the situation. The accumilation of time spent focusing my conscious thought within the computer – developing ideas, reflecting on my progress, learning about myself – was initially the hardest thing to come to terms with when it happened.


I’ve tried to console myself explaining to many a sympathetic ear that this time spent has not been wasted. My mind can still access all the growth I’ve experienced through my interactions with my now absent machine, everything I’ve learnt through the process of creation is still tangible, it simply doesn’t exist in material form anymore. Much of my work has been reduced to a memory, a figment of my past accessable only through my imagination, its ephemeral qualities solidified under the guise of a drug-fuelled theivery. I have the name of the man who did it; traces of blood splattered against the curtain and murky finger prints on the window sill, his downfall. Hopes of my computer being salvaged however, have all but faded into nothingness.


Since it happened I’ve been searching within myself for comfort, as well as outwards towards friends and family. I’ve tried to take many a positive stance on events, but have always returned to a state of numbness, of dislocation, whenever left to my own devices. This natural tendency to distance myself from what has happened and let my mind seap slowly into a negative refrain is something I’ve done before. This time however my emotional self-awareness is more acute and I have the ability to transform this negativity into positivity. I must embark from this present moment, ground zero, with a fresh perspective. It seems as though this is the perfect time for me to push my work and myself further than I have done before. This is an awakening of the mind, an opportunity to reaffirm my beliefs in the importance of art, the neccessity of creation.


I will make use of these images, creating a new work born out of the horror that has befallen me. Art is therapy, art is understanding, art is the transformation of one’s perspective…

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